When God Has a Different Plan

When I first started Reading Circle, I had grand aspirations of being paired with one student, building a friendship, investing in that student’s life, and being there to support them long term. As often happens in life, God had different plans for my Reading Circle journey.

My first student only lasted one month in the program, and the second for four months. After that, I worked with a student for three months and then six months. I am currently working with my fifth student and have been with him for three months. I never thought this would be the path God would take me on. Although I knew all of these students stopped the program for valid reasons, I definitely became discouraged with the turnover rate, and struggled with feelings of frustration. In my worst moments, I even began to feel unsympathetic to the plight of refugees in general and the difficulties they experience. I struggled with self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. Am I not good enough for these kids? Why does God even have me at Reading Circle? Am I actually making a difference here or is this a waste of time? 

Paul writes in Galatians 6:9: “Let us not become weary of doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” 

During this time of self-doubt and frustration, God met me and encouraged me through this verse to keep going and to persevere in doing good. He also used my amazing wife, Kendra, who also serves as a Reading Circle mentor. She has been patient and encouraging towards me through the whole process. Every time the frustration set in, God sent someone else to lift me up. Our fearless leader, Alysa Marx, likes to remind us that every week we spend with a student is meaningful and impactful. Every time we sit down with a student, even if only for an evening, it is a divine appointment. 

Along with the encouragement of Kendra, Alysa, and other mentors, God also used the students around me. It is truly humbling to hear them talk about how much they love coming to Reading Circle. My current student, Joseph*, has been a much needed reminder that each and every student who walks through the doors is made in the image of God and deeply loved by Him. Joseph has reminded me that what we do here really, truly, and eternally matters. 

If you haven’t met Joseph, let me paint you a picture. He will be the student who always (and I mean always!) has a gigantic smile on his face. Sometimes I think his face is stuck like that. After being around him, it is apparent that he has so much genuine joy for life. He loves the people around him unabashedly, and has a leadership quality to him that makes kids and adults alike admire him. While Joseph is still reading below his grade level, he grows in confidence and in his reading acumen every week. He is persistent, kind, and a joy to be around at all times. Joseph challenges me in my own walk with the Lord to find joy in all circumstances and to love others unconditionally.  

Despite the flurry of different students I’ve worked with, I am so grateful the Lord allowed me to persevere in doing Reading Circle. God has persistently encouraged and loved me, despite my selfish desire to give up or give in to the temptation of quitting. As we celebrate Easter this week, I am reminded of how the Israelites (and unknowingly, the world as a whole) waited for a Savior for thousands of years who would defeat sin and redeem their relationship with the Father once and for all. 

Though they ran away from Him and rebelled against Him countless times, God was faithful to them and always welcomed them back with loving arms. He eventually gave them the greatest gift and the most dramatic demonstration of His love and mercy in the form of Jesus Christ, who came to save us from the depths of our sins and welcome into God’s family all who would trust and believe in Him. He died a horrible death as a sacrifice for all we’ve done wrong and then rose again to show us the power He has over the grave.

As much as I see the Lord at work in the lives of these kids at Reading Circle, I have also come to realize that He is sanctifying and shaping me just as much! I am learning that I am the prodigal son— the sinner whose wrongdoing put Jesus on the cross. But praise the Lord, because He has not forsaken or given up on me. 

In Isaiah 55:8-13, God tells us that His ways are better and sometimes unknown to us, but that His purpose will be accomplished no matter what. His timeline is not the same as ours, and we will not always know how God will use, redeem, or repair a certain situation or relationship. But what we can rest in is that He is faithful and true to His word, that He loves us more than we could ever imagine, and that He made the greatest sacrifice in history to bring us closer to Him.

Romans 5:8 reminds us that, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 
Happy Easter! He is risen! 

Written by: Connor Smith
Edited by: Emily Thompson

*Student's name has been changed to protect privacy.